How NOT to live in NYC

Let me preface this by saying...

I know many of you, upon reading this, will suggest lifestyle changes.

Such as: take a breather, walk more slowly, be more aware of your surroundings, find certain places to place certain items, relax, BE MORE RESPONSIBLE GOSH DARN IT.
My mother will tell you that I am totally aware of these things. It's just that…at this day in my life, I was incapable of following this piece of advice. So indulge me as I openly complain about my irresponsible actions.

If you take away anything, take away how NOT to live in New York City.
--
Today I rushed out of class, in the middle of class, in a frenzy, realizing that I needed to place an important order via the internet.
I ran out to the nearest McDonalds to use their wifi (Starbucks are ALWAYS so CROWDED!) and stood in line to order something because I felt obligated to, in order to use their internet. After I sat down with my post-breakfast, pre-lunch McDonalds at 10 AM, I placed the order via the internet, and ran back out to class.

HEY THIS IS SO CREEPY!

Not walked, ran. Like not-classy, not-keeping-my-cool, “I’m late for class!” kind of run. This was my signature campus sprint across UNI back in the days...(aka a few months ago)...many times carrying a flute, saxophone, clarinet, and backpack.

En route, I lost my debit card.
1) LOST DEBIT CARD!

NOTE: Generic Card. My name is not "LEE CARDHOLDER"

(ALSO ARE YOU CRAZY WHY WOULD I PUT MY REAL DEBIT CARD ON HERE?!)

(ALSO I LOST IT REMEMBER?)

After class, I went into the nearest Starbucks (Cappuccino was WORTH the crowds at this point..) to cancel my debit card. Then I realized I was late to the post office for an important package I needed to mail. So I RAN there.
Through the sweaty, muggy subway system. This was accompanied by “Sorry! Excuse me! Sorry! Teehee!”
Yes, the "teehee" is a necessary bonus to seem innocent. When really, I'm just a crazy running jerk.
After the post office, I headed to Verizon.

I was going to exchange a phone accessory. Ironically, I realized, I had lost my phone between Subway and Post office!

2) LOST PHONE!
It is still gone, by the way. I tried calling it. No one picked up. SO I retraced my steps, to no avail, then came back, even sweatier, to Verizon. I had a little teary diva fit for the Verizon Man, which was coupled with laughter, and more tears and laughter. So Verizon Man had a good time, I think. Either that or his smile really was an “I don’t know how to treat an insane person” look.

NEXT I went to the Subway station to go back home. Too preoccupied in my own thoughts, I took the train downtown instead of uptown. I was also rehearsing something, out loud, so I got many stares. But what the HECK. That's NORMAL in NY…that is one thing that I will take advantage of..the normalcy of talking to myself in public. Sad but true, people!

3) TOOK THE WRONG TRAIN!

Reenactment. I'm the guy in the blue sweater.

When I FINALLY made it home, I was greeted by a gigantic rainstorm outside the station, and I had no umbrella. I think this was a good thing, actually. I delicately adorned my head with a blue best buy sack and ran (not walked…RAN) back to my apartment.

4) GOT CAUGHT WEARING A PLASTIC BAG FOR A HAIR ACCESSORY!
Lastly, when I finally reached my room, with mascara running all over my face from the rain and maybe tears--but mostly rain, I swear--I dumped out my entire bag on my already-messy floor. My goal was to try and find—if at ALL possible—my phone. And I did not find my phone, but what I did find…
My Japanese Seafood Udon Noodle soup had spilled all over my pictures and laptop!
5) FISH-SMELLING KEYBOARD AND PHOTO ALBUM
Hoorah!

Hey, it's better than something I ate the other day called "BIM BAM BUM"

And now I am here. But I am actually having a good time. Because here are some GOOD things!

1) By the time I had called in to cancel my debit card, someone had already cancelled it for me, and a new one was already in the process of being shipped
2) I’ve lived without a cell phone for a good portion of my life. So….I’ll survive.
3) Whoever saw me running with black mascara streaks and a plastic bag hat, I hope you enjoyed the show. Next time, tickets aren’t free. I’ll accept cash, or debit (or MY debit, if you have it
4) My pictures/laptop are eau de scallop..you know, like in Legally Blonde, when she puts perfume on her pink resume? Yeah, basically same idea, right?

5) I have two arms and two legs, which are functioning. I have a lot of great people in my life. I have a roof over my head, and food. Look, even my laptop gets fed (sea)food. There is a lot to be thankful for.

That being said…I think I might start following some of my mom’s advice. You know, about living a slower life and all. :)